Moving ever so slowly…
I am definitely improving, so that is great, but man it’s ridden with uncertainty and discomfort. I choose the word ‘discomfort’ over pain because I think I can separate the two. Lest I seem ungrateful for my improvement, I am so thankful (daily!) that I am able to move around and get things done independently. Around me others are not as fortunate, so my vision is uncluttered.
Funny story: Last week I slid myself slowly from the deck into the pool to float and do some “swimming”. I have no power to my pull (yet) but I was able to move through the water, albeit slowly. The buoyancy and non-weight bearing activity was good. I swam (moved) for about 20:00. Then I realized something significant — HOW WILL I GET OUT OF THE POOL??? No one was in there but me and I didn’t (don’t) yet have the strength in my arms/wrists to be able to pull myself up or out. I stood in the shallow end, bewildered and pathetic, scanning the area and calling upon my problem solving skills. I made several attempts at getting out but it was futile. I stood there for what seemed like forever silently laughing to myself. “Only you, Sharps!”, I said outloud. Eventually others came out to the pool area — how embarrassing to have to ask for their help out of the pool! I had to laugh at that – leave it to Carole not to think through a situation. Who wouldn’t have thought about an exit-the-pool strategy given the situation??! How could I NOT have thought about that in advance?
I tell you, sometimes the space inside my head is not pretty. Within the privacy of my own thoughts, I constantly laugh at but also scold myself for being such an idiot so much of the time. Maybe we all have discussions like this with ourselves? Ah well, I guess being able to laugh at ourselves can be a good thing. God knows I have unlimited material there!
On Sunday I rode on the indoor bike for 1 hour, yesterday I ran for 30:00 – it was awesome. Discomfort was plenty but I tried to focus on being able to do it at all. I reminded myself I wasn’t going to make it worse, that all I had to do was deal with pain. That always helps me. Am I warped? After each activity and for much of the day my back ached like it was broken (pardon the pun).
I know I have a long road ahead…
Hey, ‘3:10 to Yuma’ — good flick!
Cheers -
carole,that is so funny about the pool. are you kidding? we ALL do stuff like that ALL the time. typical of humans…just excited about what we can do/get and don’t think about anything it might bring us otherwise. you are so hard on yourself.
It was great seeing you in the pool swimming again (not just floating) last week. You’ve made tremendous improvement just in the last couple of weeks. You are one bad *$$ cause its clear how much it hurts.3:10 to yuma rocked.